Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
