chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
