Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
