Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
