People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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