i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
