The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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