just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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