I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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