Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
