1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
