Duck Duck Cougar?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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