i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do vagina's smell?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
