Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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