i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize