We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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