i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
