how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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