I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
