so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
