She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
