U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
