so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize