Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
