my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
