Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
