I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
