know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have post one night stand depression
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
