OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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