I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
