I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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