Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
