Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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