Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
