I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
