Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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