So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
