I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
