I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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