i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
