I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
