You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
