guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
