p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
