some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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