I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
