i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
