Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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