I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
