even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
