been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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