sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
