The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my poor anus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
