Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
