I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
