All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
