2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
