she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
