Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
