I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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