i don't plan on having that self control this summer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
