Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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