i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
