the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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