blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize