You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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