You're completely useless in the revolution.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
