her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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