I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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