There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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