evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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