I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
