I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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