His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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