i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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