bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
